I Could've Got One More...

One of the most haunting and emotional films I’ve ever seen is Steven Spielberg’s Schindler’s List. I can’t think of another film that so completely captures the human capacity for good and evil. The worst part of watching it is doing so with the knowledge that the subject matter is nonfiction. It’s terrifying to think that people actually did these horrible things to each other. It’s even more terrifying to realize that we haven’t learned our lesson, that these things continue to happen all over the world in every culture leaving a remnant of broken, devastated people who’ve lost everything trying to overcome a lifetime of pain that occurred in moments.

Of course, in the midst of great tragedy and acts of evil is the opportunity for heroic acts of selflessness, which is where Spielberg’s protagonist, Oskar Schindler comes in. (I’m still amazed at the genius in using the Schindler story as the centerpiece for a holocaust film.) The final scene depicts Schindler breaking down as he finally has a moment to take in all that had transpired… and he begins to consider not only the good he had accomplished, but also the good he’d had the opportunity to accomplish, but didn’t. Those words will forever echo in my mind, “I could’ve got one more person, and I didn’t, I didn’t.” I remember blubbering like a child in the theater when I first saw that film, and especially during that final scene. I can honestly say that I’ve never watched that scene and NOT cried… it’s that powerful.

Recently I spent the evening with another family who’s adopting from Africa and we discussed how the process of adoption changes your perspective in so many ways. We reminisced about how we originally felt facing the daunting task of saving somewhere in the neighborhood of $25,000 in just a year or two… how overwhelming and prohibitive that is… how so many prospective adopting families abandon that calling because of their fear of spending so much… and how so many of our own friends and family members thought (and still think) us crazy and irresponsible to even consider it.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still extremely frustrating at times trying to drastically reorganize your financial life, make cuts and sacrifices, and find so many creative ways to save money… not to mention finding creative new ways to ask family and friends for support! The thing is, there’s a point at which something inside you clicks, like a switch that turns on. It’s that dramatic a shift… one minute you see things one way, and the next you’re completely different. Things you used to consider important just seem silly… more than silly… utterly ridiculous. I guess that’s the confirmation of a calling. Well, when the switch flipped inside me I became obsessed, desperate, determined to save money so we could adopt. I knew without a doubt that we were being called by God to do this… that we were specifically designed to do this. God had intended this for us all along. I knew this more surely than I’ve ever been convinced of anything. Wealth, money, assets, material things became measured in how many lives they could change.

A friend of mine jokingly suggested we go to Dodger Fantasy Camp for $5000 a pop! My first thought was… if I could find 5 guys to skip that camp and donate that money, one orphan would have a family.

I overheard someone discussing a kitchen remodel and home upgrades that would cost $24,000… I thought, for that you could give an orphan a home, a life and a family to love them.

Even now, in the midst of the process it would be easy to feel overwhelmed considering the expense of foreign adoption, yet when my car breaks down beyond repair and I need a new one… I will commit to the expense of owning another car, like I’ve done several times before. It will cost as much if not more than adoption, but I won’t hesitate… because I live in LA, I NEED a car, right?! How is it that the goal of a life changed forever… a child without family, without hope, finding a home… is not worth infinitely more than that?

I should be marveling at how inexpensive and simple it is to change a life. Really, how much is a life worth to me? How much is one worth to you?

“I could’ve got one more… and I didn’t .” God let it be that I never have to look at myself in the mirror and say that.